swings in me~

I havent really been working hard since after promos. In fact, i didnt really work at all. I struggled to find time to give myself a break. It's been a long year and my soul is worn. Life's been hard but yet I can see God's hand still working. Sometimes, everything just passes by in a jiffy and your mind just gets congested with what the world feeds you with. The hussle and bussle. It never ends. Not even when it is the holidays. There's choir everyday and chem O coming up. I know i need to start my engine again.. But i dont seem to have the discipline, drive.

This brings me to my problem. I just live my life the way i want to live it. It may appear to be something desirable, the typical advices that one would offer. I beg to differ. There's this gargantuan problem that i have. There's no moderation and discipline in my life. It's either i follow the rules of the game or i just do as my feelings dictate. my acute and over-sensitivity brings me to explore a plethora of feelings and expressions. Many often undesirable in others, God's and even my very own eyes. (not that i can actually see myself) These roller coaster rides have made my soul weary. I really need a break. I feel like just bumming around. How i wish i could have the patience and opportunty to read a book or just immerse myself in thought.

The break.. Actually, Youth conference would be a refreshing time for me. It will bound to churn all the energy i need to trudge thru next year. A warrior in my uniform. proudly fighting for God. it will be tough.. Well, but i cant have everything i want. WIll only be able to attend the night sessions as i will be working for YMCA. hmm..

i need a break..